Rebirth Self~Love: 11 Powerful Insights for Healing

You may have experienced the same pattern being repeated several times already & be lost wondering WTF is happening?? 

What is this hole that feels to get smaller and more removed from the greater consciousness & expansion?  We are all here on a uniquely different journey, which is what makes this life so damn interesting and what sometimes feels like a long strange trip! 

This grounding episode I vulnerably share my experience as a mother, partner & sister of this planet on ways to grow into who you are here to Be...learning how to understand toxic patterning in 11 everyday life tips & tricks I've learned over the past 35 plus years in multiple LTR self reflecting on love addiction & more.

References:

Self Love E-book🫶🏽https://consciouschoicesforall.com/healing-begins-selflove

Thank You All so very much for listening today!  I genuinely hope you learned something & I invite you to join me each week, so you never miss a conscious wellness beat!  This podcast holds a special place in my heart, dedicated to my evolution here, my passionate mission to spread more consciousness for the much needed wellness on Earth.  Come join me as a guest as well, let’s collaborate making change for future generations.. 

Thank you so much for joining me today!  I strongly Believe that we are all Connected and want to Share our gifts with One another.  Remember how amazing you are, Never Give Up, We can help and Support each other along this Crazy Journey...I'm going to keep Sharing what I can with all of You, just wish I could do more each day, Life is passing by too quickly!  This podcast is new and will be ever-evolving & improving as long as possible...Please share this with others who could benefit from this information(:

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Note: I am a One Woman Show, juggling many hats, simple, growing slowly as I can only flow with the time, trust in the organic divine process...ALGORITHM?

 
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https://consciouschoicesforall.com/

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https://poshmark.com/closet/belove73

Transcript

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Hello, wherever you are. Thank you for joining me today to the Conscious Choices for Wellness podcast that I have created. And it is two weeks later after my last podcast. And there will be one more in two weeks, and then I'm taking a break. Probably just for the month of July, because I am going on my first trip to Europe. In fact, my first trip that is more than let's say a week in my entire life. And I am gifting myself this. It is kind of a hard financial decision to make, but I'm doing it and I'm making it happen. And I'm very excited. And I will be posting and writing when I am away. I will be in Europe for three weeks in July, starting on the 1st, which is three weeks from today. I will be on an air getting on an airplane in San Francisco flying to Europe. And I'm very excited. Um, yes, this is a stretch for me, and I am doing it for many reasons. And so I will have today's podcast as I have written a blog to go along with it called Rebirthing of Self. And then in two weeks, I will have my final podcast until August. So summer is my favorite season. July is my favorite month. My birthday is the last day of July. And so this is kind of like a birthday present and just a celebration of my youngest child graduating high school and me being free as a mother and all my kids being grown after over 30 years of raising kids and being a mom my entire adult life. I'm giving back to myself. I am doing this for myself, and it is going to be a huge experience, and I'm going to write about it, and I am hopefully going to be working on my book that I started last year that I have kind of put to the side for the last several months. But yeah, so excited to talk about that in the future. So today we're going to be going over the deeper inner work of looking in the mirror and building awareness around emotional patterns that we hold and what we are actually trying to fill. Right? There's a void in us that we are trying to fill, and we do this by different addictive patterns and behaviors. And addictions can be a very broad topic. They can go into all sorts of things that we do and actions that we create in our lives. And so when we are being more conscious about finding meaningful connection in other ways with better quality people, right? And what that looks like, and not beating ourselves up, and what are we really feeling when we keep going back to destructive behaviors or destructive relationships over and over again, trying to feel an emotional need that we have or pain that we're experiencing in that moment, and we may make the wrong choice and go back to that situation or that habit. So let's get into it. I must escape from this narrow hole of living into the vortex. The vortex is what is around us, it's our energy field, and it is what we can be in more, where we're attracting more of what is outside of us that is bigger, right? Not just staying in this, you know, minuscule part of self that we can get stuck in, where there is so much more. If we're trying to create, if we're trying to change our lives, then we need to get outside into this vortex that is spinning, that is wanting us to bring more abundance into our lives, right? So what is this hole that makes or that feels like it's getting smaller and more removed from the greater consciousness and expansion? We are all here on a uniquely different journey, which is what makes this life so damn interesting, and what sometimes feels like a long, strange trip. Embracing the hold of being here now and what we are here to learn in order to grow and evolve. Like we are here, we are here now for this time that you hear, I hear, we all are hearing is not very long. Like we don't even know if we're gonna be here tomorrow. So let's give thanks for being here. We are all here for a reason, and we're all trying to figure it the fuck out. Something that I learned and I'm continuing to embrace is listening to my intuition more, which for me is getting closer to the greater whole within. And the intuition is also tapped into the greater whole outside of us in the vortex, right? Like the energy field. We tap into that energy field that's outside of us that can bring more abundance into our lives when we tap into the intuition, because it is really what is the greater higher self that's within us, is out there. And so it's more like here. I go down my rabbit hole. Um, what we're stuck in within us is our patterning, is what we've learned as a child, it's our ego, it's what created our ego self, and it's really keeping us from what is greater that's that's outside of us, that we are here, that we can expand, that we can do all the things more, and we can not live in fear, and we can, you know, just be love like all the time. So for me, getting into my intuition, it took me 50 years to embody the knowing of listening to my gut, to my intuition, and I am and it's a practice, and knowing that when enough is enough of whatever is happening in life, when it just doesn't feel right, right? So our intuition is really like if something feels right, if something feels wrong, and really being able to tap into that, and oh, it's a hard thing to do. I mean, for some of us more than others, and for myself, I'm just learning how to do it after 50 years. So, asking, do I feel like what is happening is a fuck yes? If it is not, then most likely it's not what I should be embracing anymore. Letting go is the next step, and that is very difficult, but it can happen, and it takes time and it takes strength and it takes confidence and it takes prayer and just so much. But if we don't take the next step, we're stuck. Do you want to be stuck? Because I know I've been stuck for years and years in situations, and then it's like you're just wasting your life. Sometimes, yes, it can take years, especially when we aren't tapped into our highest self or intuition, our gut sense of feeling. Our minds take over, justifying the re this reason or that reason, trying to rationalize why we should keep enduring what feels wrong deep inside. I just recently saw a quote that said something like: true healing happens not when the pain ends, but rather when we break the pattern. This deeply resonated with where I'm at as I've been attempting to do things differently than ever before, reshaping my patterns that I had continued since childhood. And just in this last, I wouldn't even say it's been a year yet, almost a year. But in the last, like, let's say nine months, I've been like, okay, I know I'm stuck in a pattern. I'm I'm not gonna do the same pattern anymore. I need to break out of the patterning that I've been in. And it's a trauma pattern. Mostly it's a trauma pattern, it could be a generational trauma pattern for a lot of us, maybe for all of us. So maybe this could be one pattern at a time, or maybe it's one huge pattern. Patterning is related to the generational traumas that we carry, and I'm a part of the collective knowing that we are here to evolve to a higher consciousness, which is breaking down the walls of generational trauma that's been burdening us as a society forever now. Way too long come, too long come, and the shift is happening. Okay, I am embracing it. I am, there's just no turning back. I mean, it's like you get to a certain age, especially when you're in your 50s, things start to change, and you're like, okay, I'm definitely over half of my life, and I, you know, you start feeling like your body changing and breaking down, and you know that you're slowing down a bit, and you also know that you want to accomplish a lot more. So it's it's really like pushing you into what you need to do here and realizing that okay, I came here for more. I have to force myself to break out of whatever patterning has been like consuming me for decades. It's like, no, especially because if you want to be better, I want, I don't know what the right word is, but if you want to be more evolved than what your parents were, your grandparents, you see like their patterning and their traumas and where you came from, we're here to be, you know, one like ladder or maybe two rungs on the ladder ahead of that. Like we're we're here to, yeah. I don't know what generation you're in, but my generation, we went through a lot, but our parents, and we can see our grandparents went through a lot in their own ways, and so much has changed, and we are like consumed with like technology and all this, you know, that has evolved in that way, and just living here over the last couple decades, it's it's very different, and I give thanks for a lot of the tools, although a lot of the things that have happened are also like starting to draw people more away and can be a distraction, and so I am also part of the collective consciousness that is here, that is in the new paradigm and going into the new paradigm together to shift what has drawn a lot of us away. Okay, and I'm talking about how technology is kind of like you know, got us away from nature more, you know, got us um away from being with humans and and being in fear and you know, not connecting with one another. So I am here to try to bring in that connection and doing the the deeper inner work. So when we can look in the mirror and build the awareness around our emotional patterns called self-reflection, asking, what am I trying to fill by staying comfortable in a toxic pattern? This may be an unhealthy habit, a job, or a relationship. Maybe it's even all three. So for myself, I've been nonstop in intimate relationships since age 13. Okay, um, right now I'm not in one, and that's the pattern that I'm trying to break because a lot of the relationships have been toxic, toxic patterning. Of course, there is always goodness in every relationship that I've ever had. Then things take that dreadful turning point at some stage in the relationship into struggle mode when the real work must begin. And that has to be on both sides, right? Both people have to be willing to create together to stay in the relationship, and when we are what we attract in at the time of going into the relationship, that can set us up even more. Like, and and I've seen that. Like, I look back, I'm like, okay, where was I? How was I um being when I got into that relationship? And just like my energy field and my trauma patterns, right? Because we we tend to create or attract like at the same level or energy of what the other person is. So that's that's like a whole nother topic. But we need to take responsibility of okay, yeah, I can see I was I was in this place, and that's why I was attracting somebody that was also in that place differently, but you know, kind of in the same vibe, let's say. So every relationship is here to teach us something for learning, growing, and of course, that comes with joy and pain, unfortunately. Self-reflection is also asking, what's the void involved? What am I really feeling inside? If you keep going back into a cycle of the wrong relationship, let's just say for this topic, then what is really going on inside of self? Like at the time you go into the relationship. What was really going on? What was that need that you were really wanting to fill? And maybe it felt like the relationship filled that because there was a sense of love at the time, and love always overcomes everything else. It diminishes our pain, our pain just seems to like be stuffed in and overcome with love. But then the realness comes out, right? The realness starts setting in, and then the pain starts coming back out of its wherever it's in the body, it's like here I am, I'm still here. So yeah, like when we go back into toxic relationships, justifying that it's going to be okay somehow this time. And let's just say, okay, I'm talking about going back into the same relationship because I don't know if you're like me, but sometimes I've gone like I'm I'm somebody I'm monogamous. I stay in relationships for the long haul. I will work on it and work on it and work on it until I feel like I've done everything I can possibly do. And that makes me feel good about walking away from the relationship. Like I didn't just walk away, I wasn't just super avoidant, I didn't just give up. I I'm a fighter. So when you're going back again and again to a relationship that maybe you walked away from and you knew that it was toxic, and you knew that you probably couldn't really work things out with this person unless X, Y, and Z was done, but you still go back. What's really going on inside on a deeper level that's making you or me feel tempted? This could even be a parent. It's okay to have boundaries with our parents or any family member if need be. No one should be feeling wronged inside or off by staying in any kind of relationship, any kind of in it with a family member. Our time is precious here. And now I'm speaking strictly from decades of experience and I'm not a therapist, but honestly, stating that it's taken me this long to start embodying this conscious awareness. So now if we were to ask, so if I were to ask myself, okay, what need am I needing to be filling the well? It's a need to have company and not be alone anymore. That is one need that came up when I was writing the blog. I was like, okay, and now you know, we are humans, even animals need humans or other animals to be around. We um, you know, really aren't meant to be alone. Sometimes, yes, sometimes yes, to reconnect with ourselves, which is reconnecting with our higher self and God and the universe, which is in nature, which is spirit, and that vortex that's outside of us, tapping in, right? But we are also here with all these other people and and you know, beings on this planet, and we are meant to have companionship. I'm not saying that we're not, but we um yeah, so for me that was huge, and it was really just the beginning of a long-winded answer because this need or desire to be with a partner may definitely may have come from being an only child growing up in the 80s with working parents that really weren't around as much as I'll stop there. I always add photos into the blog, which you'll find in Substack, and I'll link it in the show notes. And I would love it, you know, if any of you could go to my Substack if you like reading, it's a little different than you know, I kind of go off and the podcast ends up being a lot longer. The Substack read is probably five minutes or less, but I add some pictures in there, and it it may, you know, if you're more of a visual person than auditory, and you can just see the way that I write, please follow me on there, um, make a comment, whatever. It really helps it because I don't really promote it much. Um, I'm not into trying to fight algorithms or figure all that out. And um yeah, really my my strength is in a lot of things, but it's not in marketing. So anything that can help what I'm doing get out there to the greater collective and communities would be very much appreciated. So remembering vividly having an imaginary friend as a child and admiring my real-time friends that had siblings and family around them at home, right? Because it doesn't feel good to feel lonely all the time. I'm fine with like being by myself and it's good to have alone time, but if it gets to be too much, we start to feel lonely, right? That's why people get pets. Like right now, I'm like so badly wanting a dog or a cat, and I'm probably gonna get one when I get back from Europe. Um, because I realized I've had mostly cats, but I've had a few dogs over the last 30 years, let's say, right? And then I had to get rid of my cat this last September, October. It was actually in October because it was hard for me to find a home. When you're a renter in California and you're looking for a home, half the places don't want pets. And so then that takes half of your chances out of places to apply for, and it's already competitive. So it just really got to a point where I was like, okay, my cat needs to. Go to another home and she went to a family member, but I may get her back, or I may get another cat you know, at the end of the summer. That's another, that's another thing I'll let you know about. But emotional needs go deeper from there going into relationships, subconsciously looking for validation from childhood wounding. This can and will become a vicious cycle, even an addiction. So one therapist in 2020 actually I said, quote unquote, diagnosed me with having a love addiction. There are books on this as well. That's a topic for another time. I really feel like I should write about that because I probably do have some kind of love addiction. And it's like, oh, well, why is a love addiction bad? You know, it doesn't sound like it should be that bad, right? It sounds like it should be a good thing. And it's it's part of the reason actually why I've coined my name with be love, because I love love. I'm always trying to be love, give love, and also looking for love my entire life, you know, because maybe what happened to me as a child and being alone so much, I was trying to fill that void of not feeling enough love. And, you know, I don't want to say looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm pretty good about finding good people. Um, but just you know, having the back-to-back relationship since eighth grade. It's kind of like, you know, I've had a lot of friends and family be like, okay, well, why don't you just be single for a while? And it's not something I've done very well. Um, but I am trying. I am really trying. Although I am trying to find the right person, and I'm just really giving myself more time this time around than just jumping in like on a rebound situation and trying to fill a void. I'm trying to go slower, really be more choosy about who I get in my next relationship with, honoring myself. So, what I've found to feel true is that it takes more pain of being in the relationship than being out of the relationship to finally leave it in peace and knowing deeply within that it's finally over. Sometimes it takes longer in certain relationships to finally figure that out, right? Because maybe you're having empathy for that person. Me as a mother, I I literally like know I was here to be a mother. Um, from the time I was a teenager, I knew I was going to be a mother. And I had four kids, and I don't regret any of it. And so all that time of my life, which is most of my life, than not being a mother, trying to be nurturing as a mother, and in relationships, also, that just naturally comes out. I feel like a lot of men want to be with a mother because they feel more nurtured, right? We all want to feel nurtured. So for me, you know, I don't want to get into all that because um, yeah, that that's that's another conversation as well. But uh the sad truth is that this can take years or decades of life to happen to know that something is finally over, because things aren't being reciproc reciprocated, right? It needs to go both ways in a relationship, and so finally you have to just let go. You have to let go if you're like just beating, you know, um a nail into a wall that is a brick, and you can't get the nail in. You can't you can't make things happen. So I know that probably was a bad analogy, but yeah, just going back again and again and trying again and again and thinking something will change, and finally it's like something clicks, and you're like, okay, this doesn't feel good. Is this a fuck yes? No, it's not a fuck yes, so move the fuck on. So the tricky part of a relationship is both parties involved must be completely a thousand percent willing to be present and do what's needed for themselves and one another and the relationship. And not playing victim, not being vulnerable, having the skills to communicate authentically and with compassionate empathy. And when this fall fails, time and time again, finally the addiction to what's not working must fall and break without repair. That's just like in any addiction, if you're an alcoholic, a drug addict, there's gonna be a time when you crash and fall and you can't go back to that addiction, or it's going to really just fuck you up and break you, right? So let's make it more like what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and move the fuck on, let go and learn, right? Because when we learn and embody the knowledge that we took from any situation, we are bettering ourselves, we are strengthening ourselves, we are bringing more confidence into ourselves to grow and evolve. So another self-respect reflection would be: did the relationship have mutual respect? Sometimes this takes finally seeing that the other person is not honoring your needs, especially if you're working on them, right? So if we're doing the work and we're trying to work on our needs, because we all have needs that stem from whatever our experiences are that we've had in our lives, that is who we are. That's part of who we are, and we can't really change that, but we can work on them and we can acknowledge them. And if we're in a relationship with someone else, another human being, then they should also know what those needs are and respect them and honor them. Otherwise, it's just going to hurt. You're going to be being hurt and triggered constantly, and that is a fuck no, right? That is not honoring yourself by staying in that situation. So remember, actions always will speak louder. How are you being shown up for? Same time being aware of how you are showing up for yourself and others. So go back to what is the real emotional issue begging for your attention? What is wanting recognition from back in the days when we were forming who we came here to be? Only then, as an adult, to unravel the imprints that no longer serve us now. Or oh, this wild game of life. Oh my gosh, this wild game of life, this strong train, strange trip that we are fucking on. Whatever we observed or experienced that left an imprint as we grew up can forever form who we are today. We can make a choice to change, right? To evolve or not to. Many of us don't. And this change is what makes us stronger versions of self again. So we all know by now that awareness is the first step to healing, okay? Awareness of our emotions, of our physical self, of whatever's going on within us. When we become aware of what that really is, that's step number one. So don't beat yourself up for what you may have gone through for way too fucking long. Feeling like you've wasted so much of your life, whether that was two years, three years, five years, ten years, it could be 20 years in a in a certain situation, in a certain addiction, right? So instead, take a breath and celebrate your future, knowing that there will be brighter days ahead. Next chapter, please. Turn the page. Understand the pattern first. Journal, meditate, therapy can assist with this. Okay, what is the pattern? Going back to that, recognizing that. Remember, first step is awareness. Okay, so now I'm gonna go through 11 steps or tips that I've learned of what else that we can see and do to break this cycle down and move the fuck on. Number one, regulating our nervous system will help to not react, going back into an addiction, an addictive pattern, and staying strong to not fall back into the pattern of the entertainment of toxicity, quote unquote. When we are being more conscious about finding meaningful connection in other ways with better quality people, okay, being aware of that, choosing something else with deeper meaning to fill the need. We all have values, we all have desires of why we are here, who we are, that are deeper within us. Um, going into like creating, um, doing like a hobby or creating something that you are desirable about, that will fill the need as well. Okay, in a healthier way, right? It's a healthier choice. Understanding number four, my favorite number, number four, understanding the context of what's going on when you want to go back. Okay, because we are gonna have weak moments when we feel lonely or we, you know, something triggers us. And so understanding when we understand the context of what's going on, like what that need is that we're trying to fill, what that void is, okay, and then feeling into it, recognizing it, you know, giving yourself a break. Number five, familiar people will feel safe, bringing only temporary comfort if already proven toxic again and again. If someone has already proven themselves to you of who they are, going back to them because they're familiar and they feel safe in some way, it's temporary and you're just taking two steps back. Okay, so you're just prolonging the pain. Number six, adventure of the experience. Is it like an adventure that you're wanting? Is it like um, you know, yeah, this is this is definitely a sign of drama addiction. So you can either break that or you can take it. What what spiral do you want to stay in? Do you want to get out into the vortex and create more in your life, more abundance, uh, change, real change, or do you want to take that adventure of that experience again and again and again and be addicted to the drama? It's it's your choice, right? We all have a choice. Number seven, the feeling of boredom. Okay, there's nothing to be bored about here. There's nothing. We can embrace our hobbies and our passions. We all have them. Create C-R-E-A-T-E. Create something. Okay, whether that's music or another art form, drawing, um, singing, cleaning your house, rearranging your space, fang shuiing, planting, gardening, um, going even out in nature and talking to the trees, whatever it is, okay, there's something that we can create and do. Breath work. Oh, number eight is giving and honoring to self to heal by not moving into the next relationship too soon. So if we're talking about relationships, which are huge in our lives, an eight to 12 month healing window is what the experts are saying. And I feel like that's different depending on there was another um equation of the timing, depending on how long the relationship was. I think if you were in a relationship for 20 or 30 years, then that could take maybe a year or two. But if it was only a year, then maybe it's only like a month, something like that. Um, so really that depends. I think the eight to 12 month healing window. It just is unique for everybody, really, too, depending on their traumas and what they've already healed, right? So we're all on a different path. We all have different work to do. Number nine, breath work and somatic release therapy to create space for moving dense traumatic storage, aka baggage. Working on all seven chakras. Our hips, our shoulders, and our legs hold a lot of trauma, our feet and our hands, our extremities, don't forget them, and our fascia, which is our connective tissue that goes throughout our entire bodies, our fascia. So I am going to be putting out yoga videos every other week. I started doing that last or about two, three weeks ago. I the last one came out last week. I'm doing another one tomorrow that I'll probably release on Monday. And that will help if you want to follow me on YouTube. My YouTube channel is at Belove Apothecary, I believe. Conscious Choices for All, just look that up. And I will be working on our fascia and having fun and adding a playlist that I make to the channel for each video so you can listen to the playlist. I just got myself a little mic so I can have the mic and um you'll be able to hear me. I'm going to talk as I'm doing the video now where I was adding a voiceover after the fact when I would edit the video. I'm going to actually be like live recording it as I do the videos. I'm very excited about starting tomorrow. And so remembering that movement creates flow and circulates prana, releasing stored trauma wounds to be let go of and not feel so painful anymore. They're probably always going to be there. But if we do this stuff that our ancestors didn't do, we're breaking the generational trauma that's stuck in us that we were born with. We're releasing that. And then the other stuff that we dealt with when we got here. We're getting that stuff out of our bodies. We're diminishing it so that we don't get triggered as much in our future relationships. Isn't that what we all want? Oh, I know I do. I'm doing things differently. I have time. I am free and I'm going to work on myself and grow. Last but not least, number 11, angel number, self-love. I'm going to put a link to my self-love tips that I made a little ebook on last year. And acts of self-love, remember, every day will bring a calm confidence every step of the way. I promise you. Just small acts of self-love every day will help you keep going, will help you be a better you. Thank you so much for being here. I love and appreciate everybody that stayed for this long in this podcast. I had no idea how long it was going to be. It looks like it's almost 40 minutes. Thank you. I love you. I hope that you're having a beautiful day wherever you are. Make it great. Just meditate and remember all the things that you can be grateful for. All right. Because there's always at least four things. Remember at least four things today that you are grateful for. Write them down, meditate on them. Give thanks to Jaw. Thank you so much. Love and respect.